Point About Books You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation

Title	:	You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation
Author	:	Deborah Tannen
Book Format	:	Paperback
Book Edition	:	Anniversary Edition
Pages	:	Pages: 304 pages
Published	:	December 26th 2006 by Ballantine Books (first published January 24th 2005)
Categories	:	Nonfiction. Parenting. Psychology. Self Help. Language. Communication. Humanities. Linguistics

You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation Paperback | Pages: 304 pages

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Deborah Tannen's #1 New York Times bestseller You Just Don’t Understand revolutionized communication between women and men. Now, in her most provocative and engaging book to date, she takes on what is potentially the most fraught and passionate connection of women’s lives: the mother-daughter relationship.
It was Tannen who first showed us that men and women speak different languages. Mothers and daughters speak the same language–but still often misunderstand each other, as they struggle to find the right balance between closeness and independence. Both mothers and daughters want to be seen for who they are, but tend to see the other as falling short of who she should be. Each overestimates the other’s power and underestimates her own.
Why do daughters complain that their mothers always criticize, while mothers feel hurt that their daughters shut them out? Why do mothers and daughters critique each other on the Big Three–hair, clothes, and weight–while longing for approval and understanding? And why do they scrutinize each other for reflections of themselves?
Deborah Tannen answers these and many other questions as she explains why a remark that would be harmless coming from anyone else can cause an explosion when it comes from your mother or your daughter. She examines every aspect of this complex dynamic, from the dark side that can shadow a woman throughout her life, to the new technologies like e-mail and instant messaging that are transforming mother-daughter communication. Most important, she helps mothers and daughters understand each other, the key to improving their relationship.
With groundbreaking insights, pitch-perfect dialogues, and deeply moving memories of her own mother, Tannen untangles the knots daughters and mothers can get tied up in. Readers will appreciate Tannen’s humor as they see themselves on every page and come away with real hope for breaking down barriers and opening new lines of communication. Eye-opening and heartfelt, You’re Wearing That? illuminates and enriches one of the most important relationships in our lives.

“Tannen analyzes and decodes scores of conversations between moms and daughters. These exchanges are so real they can make you squirm as you relive the last fraught conversation you had with your own mother or daughter. But Tannen doesn't just point out the pitfalls of the mother-daughter relationship, she also provides guidance for changing the conversations (or the way that we feel about the conversations) before they degenerate into what Tannen calls a mutually aggravating spiral, a "self-perpetuating cycle of escalating responses that become provocations." – The San Francisco Chronicle 



From the Hardcover edition.

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Original Title:	You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation
ISBN:	081297266X (ISBN13: 9780812972665)
Edition Language:	English

Rating About Books You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation

Ratings: 3.53 From 1212 Users | 213 Reviews

Column About Books You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation

love her books. Must-read for mothers of teenage girls or for mothers and daughters of any age!

This was kind of a fun book, but a lot of what she (the author) says is obvious. There ARE a few things that make you kind of think, "oh.. that makes sense" and so on, but overall nothing too groundbreaking.



I made it to page 119 of this book. I went in wanting to learn some techniques to break through the rut of typical mother-daughter quarreling patterns, instead I found a rehashing of why they happen. And a not particularly insightful one. It's not that the things Tannen is describing aren't true, they are just kind of obvious. There's a huge chapter explaining the concept that mothers and daughters tend to compare themselves to each other. WOW.And sometimes Tannen's explanations of the reasoning

I began reading this book hoping it would give me tips to talking with my teenage daughter. The reality was that I received a better understanding of my conversations with my mother. I would have given more stars had the book not been written like an academic paper.

Similar to my last review, I'm not sure how much reading this book added to my knowledge after reading so much of Deborah Tannen's other work. On the other hand, I recognized a lot of the patterns she described in my relationship with my mother. And I recommended the book to my mother, because I thought she would appreciate the moments of "Aha!" where Tannen describes something eerily familiar, and explains why it was a source of major friction. I hope I can use these lessons to be more patient,

The title captures the misunderstandings that can cause conflict between mothers and daughters. Dr. Tannen collects the most amazing exchanges and seeks healing for all. Communication and relationships remain challenges.